Viewpoint on Parenting

Parenting, I must admit, has never been a joy for me.  I hate every second of it.  My kids are a joy and I love (somewhat bitter sweetly) watching them grow up and have a really good time with them.  But the motherhood gig is so so stressful. Half the time I think my kids got ripped off because they didn't get one of those giggly cuddly mothers with their head screwed on straight.  Most of the time I don't know if I should let them do what they ask to do, so I just automatically say no.  I don't feel I have exposed them to enough culture, or events and I feel my time to do that has expired.  Teenagers just don't want to hang out with family ever.  At least mine don't.  And that makes me sad.  I know they are struggling to become independent of me, but the narcissistic rudeness that comes out of them hurts. I keep telling myself that teens act the way they do so by the time its time for them to get out on their own parents are ready for them to go.  Finding ways to connect is a constant struggle and some days I feel like no matter what I say or do will get a growl in response.  I guess what is so stressful is that I feel like they are slipping away from me...I want them to have their own lives, but I still want to be a part of it.

On the weight loss front.  I am down 10.5 pounds in 4 weeks.  The doctor literally high fived me.  That was weird.  Since I didn't exercise one bit last week the 3.5 weight loss was ironic, but will probably reflect next week on the scale. I did tell her my leg was bothering me and showed her....the same spot I showed my primary doc a month ago and he said was a underdeveloped muscle.  Turns out it is a varicose vein and has burst all the capillaries shooting off of it (spider veins).  So next week at my annual physical I'm gonna bring it up again with the primary (actually his PA) and try to get a referral to a vein specialist since it's causing pain now.  The weight loss doc mentioned today that compression hose might be in my near future....yuck!

WL Update

I weighed in with 4 pounds less of fat and 1 pound down on water.  Pretty good.  I am on my third week now and my appetite should be resetting soon.  I went ahead and got a B12 shot and it only is helping a little bit with energy not as much as I would like.  I was hoping for a super charged surge of energy.

Day ?

I lost track of what day it is in my WL journey...but I am in my second week.  The doc was right, it was easier to do while on vacation.  I thought it was pretty hard to do while visiting my parents, but waking up on Sat morning and being home all day was way harder.  All I want to do is snack.  I did cheat and has some  goldfish crackers with my tomato soup.  The tomato is gross!  It has green flecks of some leafy thing floating in in.   According to my scale I am down 6 pounds...on Weds I will find out exactly how much of that is fat and how much is water.  Hoping for 2 pounds of fat loss a week. I am so hungry that its getting hard...I may have to get the injections after all.  I hate needles so opted not to do that at my last visit.  I could choose between a B12 shot or a Lipo-B shot.  The lipo-b has more vitamins, amino acids, and minerals in it.  I can't figure out if  I am tired from traveling, pms or the diet.  I had to really push myself to do 30 minutes of cardio today. So much for my 600 calorie daily burn goal.

Day 2

I actually feel pretty good.  This isn't going to be so bad after all.  I even was able to get Andi Chick-Fil-A and not die while smelling the food in the car.  LOL

So far the soup has been the best.  I thought it would be the absolute worst.  Last night I had creamy chicken and tonight I am having Tomato.

And I still had the energy to do 60minutes on the treadmill this morning.  My goal is to burn 600 cal a day with aerobics.  When I get back from vaca I will add weight training.  My wrist is still healing from the car accident and I can't do it yet.  I tried and it hurt like hell.  P90X or Insanity is out for at least another 6 weeks. 

Day One of Weight Loss Journey

So about two weeks ago I went in for a consultation at the The Center for Medical Weight Loss.  Here is my starting point.  59.5 pounds of fat. Yikes. 37 pounds of that fat is on my torso.  Yuck!  I knew it so I wasn't too surprised, but it really sucked having the doc point out the actual numbers to me.  Then when I finally got the nerve to sign up, the doctor was on vacation so I had to wait another week....so now three weeks from when I decided to do something about it I finally am starting today.  In my body composition analysis my calorie count to maintain my current weight is 1495, that's not a whole lot---I tried to eat just that until I started.  And here's the problem that has plagued me since forever.  I have tremendous willpower all day and can stick to that calorie count, but then I blow it and I blow it big---like 3000 calories over with binge eating for two days after having it controlled for 5 days.  Thus the 37 pounds of fat.   The plan I choose to do with CMWL is the 800 calorie plan for 6 weeks and then decide if I want to switch to the 1200 cal or remain on the 800 cal.  That puts me to lose about 13 pounds in 6 weeks....I hope it's more.  I went with that because since my calories are at 1495 if I did 1200 it would take me 10 days to lose a pound....3 pounds in a month would be very discouraging.  So how do I do 800 and not become malnourished.   4 shakes a day and 1 bar or soup.  Sounds extreme.  It is.  But I suspect I have a mild compulsive overeating disorder so going completely off food for awhile actually sounds less hard than trying to limit food.  In the meantime, depending on how much withdraw I have (since food has become my coping tool) I may seek out an Overeaters Anonymous meeting.

Day One:  First Shake.  I choose to start with the Strawberry Shake since I thought it would taste the nastiest.  I wasn't bad at all.  I made it with very cold water.  and tried to make is last.  It was kind of more bland than I expected.  I thought it would have that awful fake strawberry flavor.  Can't wait to try the Chocolate one in three hours.
Second Shake: Vanilla.  Pretty good.  I put it in the freezer for awhile so it was good and chilled.  and tried to make drinking it last and hour.
Third Shake:  Chocolate.  I saved the chocolate one for my biggest munchie time of the day  3:00.  And it is a total disappointment.  Not very chocolaty at all.  I think I'm going to freeze my bedtime shake into a pudding pop.
So here I am at three with a killer headache.  I've drank about 80 ounces of water so I don't think I'm dehydrated.  But I am very tired.

Cole is official

May 20 marked Cole's first day as a licensed driver!  And I totaled the car we were planning on letting him use in the fall.  

May 20 - Auto Accident