Viewpoint on Parenting

Parenting, I must admit, has never been a joy for me.  I hate every second of it.  My kids are a joy and I love (somewhat bitter sweetly) watching them grow up and have a really good time with them.  But the motherhood gig is so so stressful. Half the time I think my kids got ripped off because they didn't get one of those giggly cuddly mothers with their head screwed on straight.  Most of the time I don't know if I should let them do what they ask to do, so I just automatically say no.  I don't feel I have exposed them to enough culture, or events and I feel my time to do that has expired.  Teenagers just don't want to hang out with family ever.  At least mine don't.  And that makes me sad.  I know they are struggling to become independent of me, but the narcissistic rudeness that comes out of them hurts. I keep telling myself that teens act the way they do so by the time its time for them to get out on their own parents are ready for them to go.  Finding ways to connect is a constant struggle and some days I feel like no matter what I say or do will get a growl in response.  I guess what is so stressful is that I feel like they are slipping away from me...I want them to have their own lives, but I still want to be a part of it.

On the weight loss front.  I am down 10.5 pounds in 4 weeks.  The doctor literally high fived me.  That was weird.  Since I didn't exercise one bit last week the 3.5 weight loss was ironic, but will probably reflect next week on the scale. I did tell her my leg was bothering me and showed her....the same spot I showed my primary doc a month ago and he said was a underdeveloped muscle.  Turns out it is a varicose vein and has burst all the capillaries shooting off of it (spider veins).  So next week at my annual physical I'm gonna bring it up again with the primary (actually his PA) and try to get a referral to a vein specialist since it's causing pain now.  The weight loss doc mentioned today that compression hose might be in my near future....yuck!